I’m excited and nervous all at the same time. I went out on a whim and booked a trip to Cuba with my sister in law. It wasn’t a last minute decision; I have been thinking about getting away for quite some time. I have been on a few trips with Cubby and have learned that they are not really a “vacation” as she won’t sleep/eat properly and subsequently, I don’t sleep properly. I didn’t really tell anyone that I was looking to get away except for my sister in law and one friend, in fear that someone would talk me out of going. My husband had gone to Ibiza for a bachelor party with his friends last October and I had told him that I was planning on getting away for a week by myself. I secretly have been looking up travel deals since November and finally found one the first week of January.
Most people would be utterly excited to get out of the freezing cold and go somewhere warm for a week. Usually, I am over the moon; however, this time I am going with mixed emotions. The first one obviously is that I am a mom and as a mom I feel a responsibility to my little Cubby. And I don’t mean to abandon ship for a week, it’s just that with work being extremely busy and my mommy duties, I am burnt out. It’s hard to be a good mommy when I am exhausted and stressed out. I’m not going to party or go nuts; I picked a quiet resort where I can escape and do nothing for a week (well.. by nothing, I mean eat, swim, go to the beach, sunbathe, read books, and SLEEP IN!). I will definitely miss my Cubby as she seems much more vocal and aware these past two weeks since turning 19 months old. I know she is going to look for me and ask where Mama is. But I hope that when I return, I will be a calm relaxed well rested Mama who will be able to face anything.
The second reason for me having mixed emotions is that Cubby is used to her nightly routine of me reading her books, tucking her into her crib and going to sleep without any tears or protest. I am worried that this will be disrupted and I will have to start all over again when I return. Hopefully my husband will keep up some semblance of a normal routine while I am gone!
The third reason for me having mixed emotions is what I like to call the I.G, or “Indian Guilt”. Coming from the background that I do, as a mom, you are supposed to give tirelessly and relentlessly of yourself to your family until you are rundown and exhausted. You are not really supposed to do anything for yourself as that would be seen as selfish or that you are not a good mom. Of course, my generation looks to maintain a balance between work, family life and leisure. I felt really guilty after I secretly booked my trip. I dreaded telling my mom and mother in law in fear that I would look bad or would be talked out of it. I’m not trying to get out of my motherly duties; it’s just something that I feel I have to do.
The fourth reason is that the place that I am staying at in Cuba has no WiFi. I just realized this today when I checked the website. I had planned on staying in touch by Skyping daily with my husband and Cubby and now those plans have been ruined. How will I survive a week without seeing my little Cubby’s face or without talking to her? This is going to be really hard; harder than I thought.
I have just started packing as I feel like this week will go quite quickly and I won’t be prepared. I am already having those nightmare type of dreams where I show up in Cuba and I forget to pack my things so I have no luggage. I am not used to packing for 1. It has been a long time since I got away somewhere by myself. I am really looking forward to the quiet, sun and sand; however, this is going to be really challenging and tug at my heartstrings. On the bright side, I will be celebrating my 35th birthday on a beach, hopefully with a pina colada in hand. On the downside, I will be celebrating without my family.
Wish me luck on my new mommy getaway!!